


Descendants incorrect Quotes

by Malvie4ever



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29534433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malvie4ever/pseuds/Malvie4ever
Summary: Just Descendants Incorrect QuotesNot all of this is mine
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Mal: Okay, for this to work, you need to be mean to people, Ben. can you do that?  
Ben: Yeah! Try me.  
Evie: Okay... get me a glass of water.Ben: [Hands Evie a glass of water] Here you go!  
Mal: No, Ben. We need you to say no. You have to be mean to Evie.  
Ben: Alright.  
Carlos: I'll try, Ben, get me a glass of water.  
Ben: Oka- I mean, no. I will not get you a glass of water you piece of.. butt.  
Jay: Ben, what do you have behind your back?  
Ben: Nothing!  
Mal: Ben, what's behind your back?  
Ben: OKAY FINE IT'S A GLASS OF WATER.  
Evie: Oh my god. And what's in your other hand?  
Ben: ...another glass of water.  
Carlos: why?  
Ben: I FELT BAD I SAID NO OKAY.

Evie: I can't believe you and Jay broke the bed. You guys must've been wild.   
Carlos: Yeah...  
*Last night*  
Jay: I bet you can't jump high enough to touch the ceiling.  
Carlos: Try me bitch.

Mal: Uma, we tried things your way.  
Uma: No, we didn't.  
Mal: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

Fairy Godmother: Welcome to Remedial Goodness 101, where there are no wrong answers!  
Mal: Anna should have gotten to know Hans better.  
Fairy Godmother: Okay there is one wrong answer.  
Mal: Ariel should have read the contract.  
Fairy Godmother: Okay there are two wrong answers  
Mal: Pan was a pest who cut off a man’s hand for no reason  
Fairy Godmother: OKAY MAL GET THE FUCK OUT!

Evie: Do you know why I invited you over?  
Mal: Because I accidentally sent you a nude?  
Evie: *Stops pouring wine into two glasses*  
Evie: Accidentally?

Evie: Do you know why I invited you over?  
Mal: Because I accidentally sent you a nude?  
Evie: *Stops pouring wine into two glasses*  
Evie: Accidentally?

chad: fuck gay people.  
harry: you want to fuck gay people?

harry: *sets a knife down after cutting a piece of cake*  
Carlos, flinching: oh shit, I thought you were gonna stab me.  
harry: oh haha.  
harry: *jolts the knife towards Carlos*  
dude: *barks*  
Carlos: *screams*  
uma: you’ve heard of Netflix and chill, no get ready for... eight counts of third-degree manslaughter.

harry, driving: stop honking at me I know I’m sexy.

Evie: I wanna do something stupid.  
Mal: I'm stupid do me.

Officer: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on your motorcycle.  
Mal: Wait, did you say three?  
Officer: Yeah, there’s three of you here.  
Jay: Oh crap!  
Evie: *facepalm*  
Officer: What’s wrong?  
Mal: Carlos fell off!

harry, flirting with Audrey:  
mal: how long until he forgets he's there to spy  
Uma: two minutes, tops. he has the attention span of a concussed hummingbird.

Jay: You're going to ace this test!  
Carlos: [stressed out] You think that because you love me. And love has made you dumb  
Jay: I disagree. If anything, love had made me smarter. Remember last week when I boiled that egg  
Carlos: That was big. I was really proud of you

Lonnie: Nothing in life is free.  
Mal: Adventure is free.  
Carlos: Life is free.  
Evie: Love is free.  
Jay: Everything is free if you take it without paying.


	2. Descendants Incorrect Quotes

Uma: if I was king adam, I wouldn’t have imprisoned villains on an inescapable island with no way for their children to escape the torment  
Uma: rip to Ben’s dad but I’m different

Mal: I'm a very bad friend. I'm a bad person. I'm a terrible human being.  
Audrey:  
Uma:  
Jane:  
Evie:  
Ben:  
Mad Maddy:  
The Isle of the Lost:  
All of the United States of Auradon:  
Mal: "No, you're not, Mal. We love you, Mal!"

Uma: Y'know, you're a lot like the grinch.  
Doug: How so?  
Uma: Well, you always dress in green, you're gross, and you absolutely must live where people dump their waste.  
Doug: That's rude.  
Uma: Stick around, I can think of worse.

Evie: (about Mal) She's possessed!  
Carlos: Possessed?  
Evie: That's the only explanation that makes any sense! I mean, you saw her with Ben at cotillion. That wasn't Mal!  
Ben: *defensively* Are we overlooking the idea that she might just be very attracted to me?  
Evie:  
Carlos:  
Jay:  
Ben: (giving in) ...she's possessed.

Ben: “Okay, let’s go over this again. While I’m gone, don’t add to the population.”  
Jay: “Why are you looking at me?”  
Ben: “Don’t subtract from the population.”  
Mal: “Dammit.”  
Ben: “Stay out of the hospital, jail, and the newspaper.”  
Carlos: “So we can’t have any fun?”  
Evie: “If we do end up in jail, establish dominance quickly.”  
Ben: “I guess that’s your fun.”  
Carlos: “I’ll take it.”

Mal: I’ll keep all of my emotions right here.  
Mal: *gestures to chest*  
Mal: And then one day I’ll die.

Hades: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?  
Maleficent: Did it hurt when you crawled up from hell?

Carlos (being dramatic): “Can you believe that my boyfriend said he doesn't love me and wants nothing to do with me?”  
Jay (doing his homework): “That's not what I said.”  
Carlos (crossing his arms): “Then what did you say?”  
Jay (still not looking up): “I said we're not getting another dog.”  
Carlos (pouting and throwing himself over Jay): “That's the same thing!”

Jay: Carlos, do you have something you wanna tell me?  
Carlos: I'm gay.  
Jay: I was kind of referring to the fact that someone ate all the leftover pizza... but congratulations, we're proud of you.

uma: harry, what do you have?  
harry, sprinting by: A KNIFE!  
uma, running after him: NO!

Mal: We gonna throw down?  
Uma: We could do each other’s hair.  
Mal: Not as much fun  
Uma: Sure you’re ready for this?  
Mal: Since the second I saw that outfit  
Uma: See, now I gotta hurt you.

Evie: Why is Uma sitting on Gil's shoulder?  
Harry: She likes to feel tall.

Chad: You know... me and Audrey broke up.  
Lonnie: Audrey and I.  
Chad: What? She broke up with you too?

Carlos: I’m gonna tell you all my secrets.  
Carlos: I once forgot to brush my teeth for 5 weeks, I didn’t actually sell the last bike I just forgot where I parked it, I don’t know who Al Gore is and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask, when they say 2% milk I don’t know what the other 98% is, when I was a baby my head was so big scientists did experiments on me, I once threw a soda at a swan and then it attacked my friend Jane.

Jay: Personal question?  
Evie: Yeah, shoot.  
Jay: When Mal was a dragon, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?  
Evie: (fumbling) Jay, how can you--I mean, that's bent, she was...  
Evie: (appraisingly) ...grotesque...  
Jay: ...still dug her, huh?

Evie: Are you a cuddler  
Mal: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUC- yeah I'm a cuddler

harry hook: what's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?  
CJ hook: a hooker can wash her crack and resell it.  
harry hook: wait, did I tell you that one already?  
CJ hook: I'm literally the girl version of you. we say the same shit.

Chad: If I had a penny for every time I wasn’t cool...  
Chad: I’d have... NO PENNIES.


	3. Descendants Incorrect Quotes

Carlos: I'm heading out to escort the canine on a jaunty trek about the neighborhood.  
Jay: Why don't you just say you're going to walk the dog?  
Dude: *goes absolutely nuts*

Harry: Why do I have to take Remedial Goodness even though I helped save Auradon?  
Fairy Godmother: Well, you did also help kidnap the king.  
Uma: The king became guilty of human rights violations as soon as he took his father’s crown but didn’t fix his father’s mistakes. No offense, Ben.  
Ben: None taken; you’re right.  
Harry: So why do I have to take Remedial Goodness?  
Uma: Well, Fairy Godmother’s teaching it; don’t you want to be there to help me correct her mistakes?  
Harry: (grinning) Ohhhh, this is gonna be my favorite class.

Evie: [To Mal] Would you like to stay for dinner?  
Dizzy: [yelling from the other room] Would you like to stay forever??

Carlos: “Can you imagine, like, getting paid for being cute?”  
Jay: “You would be so rich.”  
Carlos: “What?”  
Jay: “What?”

Harry: Ye know, ye probably didn't know this, but back before ye moved to Auradon, I had a major crush on ye.  
Evie: I knew.  
Harry: Ye did? Oh... I always figured ye just thought I was a dumb pirate.  
Evie: I did.

Evie: “How’s life with the new puppies?”  
Jay: “Terrible. I had no idea a creature could cry this much and I just want it to stop.”  
Mal: “I’m sure the puppies will grow out of it.”  
Jay: “Oh no, the puppies are great! Best dogs ever, they’re no trouble.”  
Evie: “But you just said-.”  
Carlos, inside the dog cage, holding the puppies and sobbing: “I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.”

*Evie teaching Mal and Jay maths*  
Evie: *Points to a Triangel* This means it's 90 degrees.  
Jay: How can it be 90 degrees? It's Winter  
Evie: No the angle is-  
Mal: because of global warming.  
Evie: Goddammit

Evie, wearing an apron and towel over her shoulder: “Ben, we miss you!”  
Jay, also wearing an apron: “Honey, you’re home!”  
Ben: “What are you-?”  
Mal, wiping down the kitchen counter: “I cleaned the house for you!”  
Carlos, opening the oven: “I made dinner!”  
Ben: “Stop! You guys are going to get us kicked out of Ikea!

Ben: “Who do you love the most?”  
Uma: “My boyfriend, Harry Hook.”  
Gil: “My best friend, Harry Hook.”  
Harry: “Me, Harry Hook.”

Flight attendant: Please ensure that all small items have been secured prior to take-off.  
Jay: *looks at Carlos*  
Carlos: What?  
Jay: Do you feel safe?  
Carlos: .... No

Harry: *bursts through the door, shattering a priceless vase, throws himself onto a fainting couch, sobbing, throws a crystal wine glass against the wall, yelling in French*  
Ben: Oh my god, did something happen?  
Carlos: Yeah- Uma told him to stop being so dramatic.

Chad: “Who cares what Ben thinks? He’s just a bitch-ass white boy!”  
Audrey, sighing: “I hate to break it to you, but you are also a bitch-ass white boy.”

Mal: Ben, Uma captured you!  
Ben: If you don’t realize by now that I am very, very into that, you haven’t been paying attention.

Harry: I remember the first time I ever met Uma. We were wee little tykes' first day of school.   
Lonnie, Jane, & Audrey: Awwww  
Mal: Guys I know this story it’s not cute.   
Harry: I thought she was the prettiest thing I saw.   
Lonnie, Jane, & Audrey: Awwwww!  
Mal: Seriously guys it's not cute.  
Harry: So during recess, I tried to kiss her in the sandbox.  
Lonnie, Jane, & Audrey: AWWWWW!   
Mal: Wait for it.....  
Harry: She punched me in the face so hard, damn near broke my nose.   
Lonnie, Jane, & Audrey: .............  
Mal: There it is.  
Harry: Said it was the first time they ever put a 5-year-old in detention. So I bit the recess lady so I could have detention with her.   
Lonnie, Jane, & Audrey: AWWWWW!  
Mal: Seriously what’s wrong with you guys? 

Jay: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!  
Gil: *nervous laughter* Uhh... neat.  
[Later]  
Gil, lying face down on Uma's bed: I said "neat", Uma. Who says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat, but I said it anyway *groans*.  
Uma: Hey, don't beat yourself up. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what happened when Harry confessed to me?  
Gil: Oh yeah, didn't you like, thank him?  
Uma, staring blankly into the distance: I thanked him...

Harry: once again, Harry and Uma saves the day  
Jay: You didn't do anything, it was all Uma  
Harry: we're a package deal, everyone knows that

Evie: “Happy birthday! Here’s Jay’s gift to you.”  
Carlos: “...That’s a big box.”  
Evie: “Yeah.”  
Carlos: “Like, really big.”  
Evie: “Yeah.”  
Carlos: “He’s inside, isn’t he?”  
Evie, sighing: “Yeah.”

Evie: You can’t make everyone like you! You’re not Uma!  
Mal: Not everyone likes Uma.  
Harry: (appearing out of nowhere) Who doesn’t?  
Mal: I was just saying...  
Harry: No, seriously, I need names.

Uma: “You need to stop being so reckless.”  
Harry: “No.”  
Uma: “The last person who didn’t take my advice nearly died.”  
Harry: “Oh, shit.”  
Uma: “By drowning.”  
Harry: “That seems unrelated.”  
Uma: “I’m the one who nearly drowned him. Do not disobey me.”

Jay: "Trauma? Oh, you mean the reason I'm fucking hilarious?"

Audrey at the end of D3: not evil anymore I want to be loved now  
Audrey finding out Mal, Evie and Uma read her diary and wrote a commentary in it: evil again

Evie: "If you ever need anything, I'm available 24/6."  
Lonnie: "Do you mean 24/7?"  
Evie: "No, Tuesdays are date night with Mal."


	4. Descendants Incorrect Quotes

Uma: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One.  
Uma: Mal, code name: Been there, done that  
Uma: Harry is "currently doing that"  
Uma: Audrey is "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it"  
Uma: Gil, code name: "if I had to pick a dude"  
Uma: Ben is...  
Uma: Eagle Two  
Ben: Oh thank GOD

Mal, leaning over to Evie: Evie has no idea I'm high.  
Evie: You're high?  
Mal: Oh, I'm sorry.  
Mal, leaning over to Jay: Evie has no idea I'm high.

Mal: Now if you'll excuse me I have more important matters to attend to.  
Mal:*goes to sleep*

Evie: I'm not mad; I just want to know why you two need a fake ID?  
Carlos: *mumbles*  
Evie: Hmm? What was that?  
Jay: …You need to be over 18 at Petco to hold the puppies.

Ben: “If you found out you only had one day left to live, what would you do with it?”  
Evie: “Say goodbye to all my friends.”  
Carlos: “Spend the day with Dude.”  
Mal: “Something illegal.”  
Jay: “Accept my fate.”  
Audrey: “I would message 10 people saying that if they don’t forward the message to 10 people, I would die tomorrow.”  
Ben: “What? Audrey, how did you get in here? This is for VK’s onl-.”  
Mal: “That’s fucking awesome. Can I change my answer?”

Harry: "Who hurt you?"  
Uma: *sarcastically* "You want a list?"  
Harry: *pulling a knife out of nowhere* "Yes."

Mal: Okay, Evie, I dare you to tell someone you hate them.  
Evie: *grinning sweetly, that signature innocence sparkling in her eyes* Sure, M!  
Mal: *whispering to Uma* She won't be able to do it.  
Evie: *narrows eyes and snarls* I hate you, Doug.  
Mal: ...  
Uma: Huh. Might wanna reevaluate that statement.

Mal: THE OUTRAGE!!! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS!!! PEOPLE DRIVE ME ABSOLUTELY INSANE!!!  
Evie: Calm down!!! You're like an angry little Oompa Loompa!

Uma: Hey, I've got a Lil' song. Y'all ready?  
Audrey: No, but I'm sure you're going to make us hear it anyway.  
Uma: Alright, here we go.  
Uma: O, Audrey, O, Audrey, your nose is up so high, if you fell down to my level, you surely would die!  
Uma: O, Audrey, O, Audrey, you can be a real witch, in fact, I would call you a serious---  
Audrey: *narrows eyes* That's quite enough.

Doug: Y'know, I've never seen a troll before.  
Uma: Have you looked in the mirror lately?

Uma, on the Isle at school: Where's Harry? He's supposed to be here.  
Gil: Oh, he said he was quitting school. He told me to give you this.  
Note: To cool fer scool. Scool's stoopid.  
Uma: He might want to think about coming back. School's not the only stupid thing in this situation.

Audrey: Jay, you're hot.  
Jay: *waggles eyebrows* Not so bad yourself, Foxy.  
Audrey: No, seriously, you've got a fever

Uma: Gil, did you get the eggs?  
Gil: No!  
Uma: Why not?!  
Gil: *staring at a chicken's butt* I'm waiting for them to come out!

Mal: I hate everyone. Everyone just sucks.  
Evie: Do I suck?  
Mal: Evie, the only time you ever suck is when you're drinking from a straw. You are an amazing person.

Evie: Doug asked me to marry him...  
Uma: Did you say yes?  
Evie: Heck, no! I want to have children one day, not puppies!!!

(Anytime that Harry and Gil start talking about stuff that Uma doesn't want to hear)  
Uma: What?! I can't hear you! I'm---bzzzt---breaking----bzzt---up!!! I---bzzzt---losing you!!!  
Harry: *sighs* Tha' only works if you're on the phone, Cap'n...  
Uma: Can't hear you! This---bzzzt---breaking up!!!  
Harry: ...  
Gil: ...  
Gil: Don't worry, Uma! You can call us back when you get better connection!  
\

Uma: Mal, since it's your birthday, I thought I would sing you a little something.  
Mal: Okay...  
Uma: Happy Birthday to you,  
You live in a lou!  
You smell like a poo!  
Uma: And you look like one, too!  
Mal: ...  
Mal: Thanks...???

Evie: Children are like Play-Doh. They're easily moldable and their minds are easily shaped into what you want them to be at a young age.  
Uma: Well, somebody took your moldable mind and beat it with a mallet until it was putty, because dang, you're impressionable.  
Uma: I mean, just look at you and Mal. You follow her around everywhere she goes and do whatever she does, wagging your tail behind you.  
Uma: We oughtta just call you ol' Play-Doh puppy.

Mal: *very upset* And it's just so FRUSTRATING!!!  
Evie: *hugs Mal* Oh, it's okay, M, calm down, sweetie. You just need to look at things from a different perspective, that's all.  
Mal: *freezes and thinks* A different perspective...  
(later)  
Evie: *weirded out* Uh... Mal? Is there some reason your feet are duct-taped to the ceiling?  
Mal: *hanging upside down and grinning wildly* You told me to see things from a different perspective!  
Mal: And guess what?! Everything's upside down, which technically counts as a different perspective!  
Mal: And all the blood has rushed to my head so now I can't even think about what was bothering me!  
Mal: You're a genius, E!!!  
Evie: ...  
Evie: At least I'M a genius...

Evie: How are you today, Uma?  
Uma: Miserable, tragically good-looking, and on the fast track to killing somebody.  
Evie: ...  
Evie: So pretty much the usual?

Doug: *ogling Evie*  
Doug: Won't you speak some lovely words of poetry, darling?  
Evie: Roses are red, violets are blue, if you don't stop looking at me like that, my best friend's going to kill you.  
Mal: *eyes glowing green, a snarl on her face*


	5. Chapter 5

Evie: So, the school called today--  
Mal: I picked up the girls, everything was fine  
Evie: you kicked the principal in the shins  
Mal:...

*after d3*  
Jay: feeling like a third wheel too?  
Harry: Yeah ever since Uma got with Audrey  
Harry: *sighs* clearly no one here will date me  
Jay: I will

Chad: Pansexual so that's like being attracted to pans  
Lonnie: no you ingerant fuck

doug: do you ever think you're gonna get married  
Evie: No  
doug: really?  
Evie: well at least not to you.

Mal: I don't play favorites  
Carlos: Then why is Evie sitting on your lap and Ben is in that dumpster?  
Mal: coincide


End file.
